


Without You

by Brenxalex



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Sad Archie is my whole brand
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-25 07:28:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15636045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brenxalex/pseuds/Brenxalex
Summary: “You’re lying.” Her voice shakes, it’s soft and fragile. He never wanted to be the cause of her sounding like that. He is though, and he has to sell it.





	Without You

_**ONE:** Can’t help but wonder if this is the last time that I’ll see your face _

_I’m always gonna want you back_

 

The image of her tear stricken face haunts him. It’s been three days and he can’t get the image of her pleading with him to not leave her out of his head. He wishes he was selfish enough to keep her coming back visiting hour after visiting hour, for who knows how long. That’s just it though. He doesn’t know how long he’s going to be in this cell for. His mom isn’t sure of a timeline if there even is one to give. He could be in here for life for all he knows, for something he didn’t even do. He can’t put Veronica through that, can’t let her put her life on hold for him.

So he does what he thinks is in her best interest. He’s an idiot. It’s stupid, deciding what’s good for her and what isn’t, he knows that knows that she hates it, but he does it anyway.

He looks her straight in the eye, five minutes into the visit and tells her he doesn’t want to be with her anymore, tells her that he blames her for her dad doing this to him, tells her that he can’t stand to look at her face because all he can see is how he has no future.

He remembers the way she shakes her head in disbelief, her eyes flooding with unshed tears, lips quivering.

_“You’re lying.” Her voice shakes, it’s soft and fragile. He never wanted to be the cause of her sounding like that. He is though, and he has to sell it._

He sticks to his guns, swears over and over that it’s true, he does blame her, and he hates himself a little more with every word that leaves his mouth.

When she leaves he can’t look away from her frame, the guards are already pulling him up but he can’t rip his eyes off Veronica.

He can’t help but wonder if this is the last time that he’ll see her face, see her hair and her hands, see her. He can’t help but wonder if this is the last time that she will ever be in his presence if this is the last time that she’ll acknowledge him because even if he does get out, she’ll never forgive him.

He lays in his cell at night thinking about her, he panics himself thinking that he’ll forget her voice and what she looks like. It hurts him, but he tells himself that he did this for her. Like that makes it any better, the pain any lesser.

And if he gets out of here and she never speaks to him again, never gives him the time of day, he’s still always going to want her back.

Veronica Lodge is always going to be his soulmate and he’s okay with letting her go.

_For now._

 

_**TWO:** Here I am waking up, still can’t sleep on your side. _

_Too young, too dumb, to know things like love._

 

It’s ridiculous really, he breaks up with Veronica, two weeks before everyone finds out the truth. That it was a setup. He doesn’t know the details, all he knows is that his mom came to see him, tears streaming down her face and he’s free. He gets out half a day later and before he knows it he’s at home. His friends are there to celebrate his release but he can’t help but notice that there's one notable absence.

He doesn’t blame her, she thinks he hates her. That couldn’t be further from the truth. He wants to go see her and beg for forgiveness but he has people to see and somehow his presence soothes them into thinking they actually did something to save him from life in prison.

He now knows it was her though, she did something, blackmailed someone, her dad most likely, sold her soul for him, _to him_. He wants to see her but when everyone leaves it’s midnight and he’s exhausted, can’t wait to sleep in a real bed, in his bed.

He collapses in the middle of his bed and curls on his side facing the wall, he’s about to fall asleep when he gets a whiff of a familiar perfume and recoils. His sheets are freshly washed so he digs around for a bit and pulls out one of his shirts that she used to wear, it’s stuck in between the wall and the bed. He holds the shirt to him, flashes of her dancing and laughing in his shirt conjuring up in his memories. When his eyes start stinging, he puts the shirt under his pillow and scoots furthest away from the wall possible without falling. He curls into himself facing away from the wall, not being able to sleep on her side.

She chose that side after she heard a noise come from downstairs one night.

_“If I’m closest to the wall, I have a chance to get away as you fight them off.” He laughed it off and climbed over her so she could tuck herself into the safety of his arms and the wall._

When he wakes up he’s still on his side of his bed, he thinks it’s dumb how he can be so young and feel so much for someone. It’s dumb that he can’t sleep on his bed anymore without it bringing memories of her. Thinks he’s stupid for sitting here holding onto his shirt that she used to wear and tearing up about it.

He’s too young and too dumb to know things like love so how come he’s one hundred percent certain that Veronica is love?

 

_**THREE:** Thinking ‘bout you lots lately, have you been eating breakfast alone like me? _

_is it bad that I’m hoping that you’re broken? Is it bad that I’m wishing you’re still broken?_

 

Before he can even think about leaving the house to go and see her, his mom and dad are corralling him into the kitchen for breakfast. When he gets to the kitchen it looks like they’re waiting for about ten more people to show up. They reassure him it’s just for them, the panicked look on his face probably giving him away. He’s not in a mood to see any more people.

He wonders if they know he can barely keep anything down since he had his first bite of prison food. This isn’t anything like that but just the thought of eating anything right now repulses him.

He’s sitting here with his parents trying to make conversation and he has never felt more alone in his life. They tiptoe around the subject, not knowing what to ask or how to bring anything up. He tells them he’s okay over and over, not wanting to talk about what he felt when he was in there. People are in there for way longer than he was and still, he can’t think about the place without wanting to curl up into a ball and rock back and forth.

He wonders if she’s eating breakfast too, wonders what she’s eating and if she’s alone, wonders that if she is with people, does she feel alone?

He hopes that she does, and it’s a horrible, horrible thing to think but if maybe they can relate to something, it’ll be easier for her to forgive him.

He hopes and wishes and prays that she’s just as broken up about them as he is because if she is, it means he still has a chance, no matter how slim it may be.

He mentally slaps himself for thinking that, this isn’t the time to start being selfish. No, he wants her to be happy and getting through her day without having to think about the gross things he said to her.

He hopes that his words don’t haunt her like her broken face does him. She doesn’t deserve it like he does.

He’ll go talk to her soon and they’ll clear everything up.

They’ll be fine and happy again.

 

_**FOUR:** Remember the words you told me, ‘love me ‘till the day I die’ _

_Surrender my everything because you made me believe you’re mine._

 

How could she do this to him? How could she move on so fast? That’s what hurts the most. He cradles his head in his hands and breathes deeply. Everything they had, all the love they said they had for each other, all the love she said she had for him, was it all lies? She said they were meant to be, that they were soulmates and not even a month later she’s with Reggie. How could someone just throw every other feeling for one person away and forget? How could she forget that she loves him? He doesn’t understand, he feels like he’s falling, this is worse than watching her walk away because then it was him pushing her away, this is her choosing someone else over him. And it hurts _it hurts it hurts._

Doesn’t she remember the words she told him? That she would love him until the day he died? Does she remember how he had told her the same thing? Repeated the words back to her and meant it with every fibre in his being? How could she let go of what they had so fast?

He wishes he had been selfish. Would have kept her coming until he finally got released. He wishes he had never pushed her away.

He loved her with everything he had in him, loves her with everything he has in him because he still does, of course, he does. He isn’t her, who just forgets the person they love and move on to some guy who she slapped in a hallway one time.

He surrendered everything to her because she made him believe that she was his and he was hers, that they would be forever and now the sick truth of it all is falling all around him and he feels like he needs to run for years. Run away from Riverdale and Veronica.

She claimed to love him so much, so how come, he saw her kissing Reggie?

Reggie of all people.

She has to know how much that hurts.

 

_**FIVE:** Now I wish we’d never met ‘cause you’re too hard to forget _

_I know that you don’t but if I ask you if you love me, hope you lie to me._

 

He’s laying in his bed where he’s been for the whole day, breathing deeply, trying not to think about Veronica and stopping himself from crying. He thinks about how one person can feel so much and believe so truly that this other person is their soulmate, while the other person moved on in such little time. Love is cruel that way, maybe she was right to be scared to love him. She should have warned him, love is temporary, he knows that now.

It’s not temporary for him, it is for her though.

His parents checked on him but he just wanted to be left alone with his thoughts, feeling sorry for himself. He should have never let her go, never have pushed her away. Not having her in his life is going to be the hardest part, she’s one of his very best friends, if not the very best friend and not being able to talk to her every day and lean on her for help is going to be an adjustment.

He remembers the day they first met, how captured he was by her presence, he was smitten the second she walked through the doors at pop’s. The way she held herself, her smile, she was so perfect and at that moment he fell in love. He realizes that now, after so long, Veronica was his love at first sight. He never really gave it much thought, if it existed or not, but seeing her confirmed it. He didn’t act on it because he was in the whole Grundy situation, and then Betty’s feelings came up, it just complicated everything and his love, at first sight, was hidden, and ignored.

Maybe it would have been different if those two variables weren’t involved, maybe they would be stronger and maybe he wouldn't be in this situation.

Now, he wishes he had never met her because her eyes, her voice, her laugh, her scent, all haunt him and she’s too hard to forget, and he doesn’t know how he’s going to be okay if she’s not in his life.

The worst part is she probably hates him because he blames her for something she had no control over. He doesn’t think he can really go on if she hates him, that would kill him slowly and surely.

He wants to just sit down and talk to her and ask her if she still loves him. Wants to tell her that it’s okay that she doesn’t but if she could, could she just lie to him and tell him that she does?

 

_**SIX:** Every moment spent, I wish I was with you. _

_No matter where you go, you know I'd wait for you._

_So you go your way and I’ll go mine and if we’re meant to I’ll meet you there._

 

Life goes on, he goes back to school, he eats at Pop’s with Jughead, Betty, Kevin, sometimes even Veronica. They talked and he told her why he pushed her away, told her that it was all a lie, that he doesn’t blame her and he apologized. She was really mad but forgave him in time, they’re hanging out more now and it’s a start. There’s still obviously that ache in his heart whenever he sees her with Reggie, but he respects her enough to let her be. Let her be happy and if, or when she’s ready to come back to him then he’ll be waiting.

He wishes he was with her at all times, talking to her, laughing with her, just sitting next to her is enough for him right now. He misses her more than anyone knows, because he hides it pretty well, probably not well enough for her not to know, she tries not to rub Reggie in his face much. She’s always pulling away from Reggie when he’s around, there isn’t much PDA from them, he thinks Reggie understands also, and he’s grateful for it, he doesn’t think he could survive watching them make out in front of him.

He isn’t so much trying to move on as he is trying to distract himself, doing his own thing, going his own way, trying to go about his life while not doing anything to make himself seem unavailable to her. He knows it’s probably not good for him to hang on to whatever hope and just keep waiting but he can’t help it, he isn’t ready to close that door.

So for now, he’ll watch as she does her thing, becomes more and more incredible with each passing day, and if they’re meant to be, he’ll be here, waiting for her, because Veronica is love, and he would be crazy to shut the door on his soulmate so fast.

**Author's Note:**

> A small one shot to tie you over until the next chapter of Standstill.


End file.
